Years ago, a manager called me convinced an employee needed to be disciplined.
The company had recently rolled out an important change to a procedure. The manager had personally communicated the change to the team, and just two weeks later, one employee failed to follow the new process.
From the manager’s perspective, the situation was black and white. The employee knew the expectation and chose not to follow it. Because it seemed so clear, the manager went straight to issuing a disciplinary action without first asking the employee to explain what happened.
Then the employee said three simple words: “I wasn’t there.” The employee had been on vacation when the new procedure was communicated.
In an instant, what appeared to be a disciplinary matter became a communication issue; and exposed several gaps in the organization’s processes.
When we skip the step of seeking to understand, we risk solving the wrong problem. And I’ve seen versions of this same story play out countless times.
- A manager sees an employee as having a poor attitude, when in reality their own approach is contributing to the very response they’re frustrated by.
- A leader believes someone isn’t committed, when the real issue is that expectations were never clearly communicated.
- A highly dedicated employee believes they’re doing well because no one has ever clearly told them otherwise, or explained what success actually looks like.
Different situations. Same lesson.
Every behavior has a story. Sometimes that story confirms your concerns and sometimes it completely changes them. You’ll never know if you don’t ask.
It’s one of the reasons I almost never walk into an employee meeting with disciplinary paperwork already finalized. I might have a draft prepared. I usually have a pretty good idea of where the conversation is headed. But before making a final decision, I want to hear the employee’s perspective. In more than 20 years, I have yet to have one of those conversations without learning something I didn’t know after asking one simple question:
“Help me understand what happened from your perspective.”
Sometimes the answer confirms the direction I was already headed. Sometimes it changes everything. Either way, I leave with greater insight and a much clearer understanding of what the next right step is.
Curiosity is one of the strongest leadership tools we have. The best decisions are rarely made after hearing only one side of the story. They’re made after we’ve taken the time to understand the whole picture.